For a blogger, I don’t really share much about myself. I realize this now, after reading through a few others’ blogs, and seeing them really open up to their readers about some fairly personal subjects. By comparison, mine looks like just a lot of fluff. I mean, what do you guys really know about me? You know I love my cats. You know I love eating, and movies, and television, and music. You know I moved from Oklahoma to New York, but do you know why?
I feel like I’m being dishonest on this blog, and I just can’t do that anymore. Don’t get me wrong, that fluff is me, usually. The yummy recipes, the cute little lists I make, that’s all me. But that’s just the surface, the little innocent sweetheart I project to those who don’t know me. I really need to ask myself why I started this blog. Well, duh, as an outlet for thoughts and emotions that I wouldn’t normally be able to share! But I haven’t done any of that yet. I don’t feel like I’ve really found my “voice” yet as a writer, or figured out what I want to say. There are pieces of myself that I haven’t worked up the courage to publish on the internet, and I would like to work up to that.
As a teenager I started journaling. I could sit for hours, working out my feelings. Somehow putting them on paper, and reading them back to myself made me understand them so much better. But as I got older, I stopped doing that. It seemed childish for some reason. Unfortunately, when I stopped journaling, I really didn’t know what to do with tough emotions I was feeling. Without anywhere to put them, they usually just festered inside me.
Luckily, along the way I had a few really good friends, with really good advice and understanding. But even then, I couldn’t burden them with the full extent of my crazy, their poor hearts couldn’t take it! So still, I was left to sort things out for myself, and I would like to think I did okay. I mean, atleast I didn’t go full on psychotic, and the issues I have are nothing a few good years of therapy can’t resolve.
I guess what I am getting at, is that I would like to start letting you guys in on my “real life”. I mean, it won’t be all my drama, all the time, but I think making a little confession to the internet gods every now and again will be quite beneficial. I have problems just like everybody else, and I would like to use this blog as I had originally intended; an outlet. Strap yourself in folks, and get ready for the ride!