It isn’t often I yell at my cat Spunky. I don’t like him to feel bad. He may look big and tough, but he’s really quite sensitive. He wears his heart on his sleeve. When those big golden eyes are gazing up at you, there’s no way you can feel okay about yourself after yelling at him. But sometimes that’s the only way to get his attention. I have to laugh at some of the things I find myself shouting at him. It kind of ruins my credibility when I am giggling at him, when trying to scold him.
Here are the things I yell at my cat the most. (And yes, they will all be typed in caps lock. Didn’t you know that’s considered yelling on the internet?)
- DON’T BITE THE XBOX! I am not sure what is so attractive to my cat, about electronics. But for some reason, they are his favorite snack. The screen on my laptop, Chris’ phone, the Xbox. They can’t really be that tasty. They are made of flavorless plastic. I don’t get it.
- GET OUT OF MY PURSE! He’s like a little kid, going through his mommy’s purse! It drives me nuts! One day I wasn’t paying attention, I look down, and he has the entire contents of my purse tossed out onto the floor. I don’t know what the deal is, maybe I dropped some bacon bits in there or something.
- STOP SCRATCHING THE BE… THE CHA… FUCKING EVERYTHING!! Spunky is a scratcher. He scratches everything. My chair is his favorite scratching post, even though he already has an actual scratching post! Ugh, kitties.
- STOP PUTTING YOUR BUTT ON ME! Spunky thinks he is a parrot. He loves jumping up on the back of my chair while I am internetting (Yeah, I just made that a verb. I did that) to lounge. At some point he usually gets bored of that position, and adjusts so that his butt is firmly on my shoulder, or worse, my head. I love my cat, and am fully confident in his ability to clean his bum, but man! I really don’t enjoy the thought of a cat butt touching me.
- DON’T BITE MY HEAD! This is the thing I shout very shortly after the last thing I mentioned. Usually, when I am trying to push Spunky’s butt off of me, he thinks I am initiating a game! He takes my “AARGH SPUNKY, STOP PUTTING YOUR BUTT ON MY HEAD” to mean that I want to play. Since my head is the most readily available part of my body to him, he begins biting my hair, and head. This sounds like the most fun ever, I am sure, but really it kind of hurts! It was cute at first, but he’s a rough little turd, so no more biting my head!
Welp that’s all folks. Now you know what to expect if you ever visit me. A whole lot of shouting at an adorable orange monster. Now that I have come clean I am going to go snoop out some virus protection software, like Avira here or something. I think my poor laptop has a bug. That or it just doesn’t like running a million programs at once. What?! I get bored easily. Wish me luck.